Tag: xander

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Episode 113 – Dead Things

Your hands were not bound, your feet were not fettered. 
You fell as one falls before the wicked. 
2 Samuel 3:34, NIV

* * *

There’s nothing comfortable
about this relationship.

It’s not even a relationship.
It’s just passion.
I’m a passionate person.
You’re a passionate person.

Well, you’re not really a person,
but you were a person
and sometimes I see that
and I like you.

Then I remember 
all the harm you’ve done.
All the sadness and destruction
at your hands.

I don’t know what’s come over me
(desire)
(mad desire)
to love a man like you.
But you’re not a man
and I don’t love you.

From behind, 
you slip your arms around me.
Fingers slither down my arm.
Slowly 
down my thighs.
Then up.

And I’m lost.

If they knew,
they’d think me mad.
I’ve got it bad.

But you’re dead.
I’m dead inside.
When you’re inside, 
I feel.
Something. 

It’s okay if I love you,
but I don’t.
It’s okay if I don’t.
And I can’t.

It’s wrong
I’m wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.

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Episode 112 – Doublemeat Palace

I need a job.
I need some cash.
Nothing too intense.
Something that won’t last.

Jobs can defeat you,
grind you up and eat you
in a double meat patty
of rage and disillusionment.

All around me, 
people stare
like they’re anyplace 
else but here.

If you want respect, 
get a dog, not a job.

See yourself here 
in ten years?

Run!

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Episode 111 – Gone

I give you fragrance
not flower,
chapter not book.

* * *

When no one can see me,
I do as I please. 
Find you in bed naked,
get down on my knees.

Invisible in your bed,
but not in your heart.
You want a me
you can see.

So we part.

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Episode 110 – Wrecked

She slept with him,
but knew it was wrong.
He wasn’t even human.
She’d spent so much time
wishing him dead.
Hell, she’d tried to kill him
more than once.

But he was a poet
and something in his pain
spoke to something 
in her pain,
and when they lay together,
the building crumbled
around them
and all the reasons
not to be together
slipped away.

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Episode 109 – Smashed

He’s my enemy, not my boyfriend 
(though sometimes 
I can’t tell the difference).

He says his darkness 
is in the past, but his edges 
are still tinged with black.
He tries to hurt me,
but I’m too busy hurting him 
to notice.

The more damage I do, 
the more he loves me.
And when he’s bad, 
I long to kiss him.

Smashed together,
we can’t part.
Pleasure, pain, 
they’re just the same.

Walls cave in.
Ceilings fall.
As do we, 
amid the wreckage.

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Episode 108 – Tabula Rasa

If you can make me 
forget the lies you told,
would you steal 
my other things?

Even my dreams?

Leaving you
and the stories behind,
I fly away
from the blue
of your eye,
the smile I thought
meant you were happy.

Memories, all
up in smoke
like a witch’s spell,
and even if I love you,
I don’t remember.
You stole that 
from me too.

Are you my partner
or my editor?
Lover or predator?

I carry boxes
out the door,
leaving you 
to find regret
on the bathroom 
floor.

It would have 
been easy 
for me to stay,
but you gave that,
you gave it away.

You stole my 
memories.
Would you lie
and take my 
other things?

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Episode 107 – Once More, With Feeling

CCBDCC the way he looks at me
CCBDCC it’s not like i don’t see
FFEGFF there have been men before
FFEGFF and one that i adored
CDCDCC but i’ve been dead awhile
CCCCB♭B♭ and he can make me smile

FGFGFF with just one look at me
FGFGFF he’s so not good for me

CDCDCC he follows me at night
CDCDCC he longs to hold me tight
FGFGFF but i push him away
FGFGFF though i wish that he’d stay
CDCDCC cuz i’ve been dead awhile
CCCCB♭B♭ and it’s so hot his smile

FGFGFF it feels so good to me
FGFGFF to have him look at me

DFEGFDC if i give myself to him
DFEGF will i lose my soul

CCCDCC he was my enemy
CCCDCC now sees the girl in me
FFFGFF but i push him away
FFFGFF though i wish that we’d play
CDCDCC cuz he’s been dead awhile
CCCCB♭B♭ and i can make him smile

FGFGFF i wish he’d leave me be
GAGAGG why won’t he look at me

CDCDCC don’t want my friends to know
CDCDCC cuz hey he’s not my beau
FGFGFF but i’ve been dead awhile
FGFGFF and it’s so hot his smile
CDCDCC i follow him at night
CCCCB♭B♭ and then he holds me tight

FGFGFF he’s so not good for me
FGFGFF why can’t i leave him be

DFEGFDC if i give myself to him
DFEGF will i lose my soul

CCBDCC it’s not like i don’t see
CCBDCC the way he looks at me
FFEGFF i have known men before
FFEGFF it’s nice to be adored
CDCDCC but i’ve been dead awhile
CCCCB♭B♭ and it’s so hard to smile

FGFGFF i know that i should flee
FGFGFF but then he looks at me

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Episode 106 – All The Way

Boy 
with an S on his jacket,
red and yellow,
the color of love.

Our lips meet
(my first,
his not).

I kiss all the time
I lie,
pressing together
his to mine.

First kiss,
tongue or no,
then again.

Lips,
not too wet,
not too dry.

Stumbling together
through the mist,
we roll in leaves,
his breath hot
against my neck.

But he bites
(my first,
his not).

He reveals 
his true face
and I am not 
repulsed.

But he 
does not survive.

First date.  
And yet 
I have to take his life 
to save my own.

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Episode 105 – Life Serial

With the ring
of a bell
my day begins.

Work.

Tons of tedious tasks.
Trails of treachery.
Tripping over
my soul
until I’m dead.

Work.

Satisfy the customer
and the cycle ends.
But only until
it begins again.

At night
I try on darkness.
It has whiskey,
blue eyes,
and ears to hear
my sorrows.

Weekends tease
with time to tarry,
but oh so very short.

Work.
Work.
Work.

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Episode 104 – Flooded

something intimate
in the fading light.

cigarette butt
under boot heel.

white haired man.

sad girl.

shoulders kiss
on back porch steps.

a grin
only for him.

these are lonely days.

something intimate
in the night.

white haired man.

sad girl.

quiet comfort
in the fading light.